Lil Wayne

Remember around spring break this year when MTV had coverage in Tampa and they had the boys from The Lonely Island do the intro to shows in obscure 80's-like fashion complete with DayGlo lettering and vomit inducing synthesizer tracks? They were kind of like the VJs of yesteryear. It was good even if it was only for a week.



Lil Wayne was there performing the single from his upcoming rock album Rebirth too. Remember that? Thank god you don't, it's probably for the best.




The album was supposed to come out around April, but got pushed back for some reason. I once read it was so it didn't distract sales from Eminem's comeback album, Relapse. Why you would push an album due in April back so it doesn't compete with an album that came out in May is beyond me. I really hope Lil Wayne and the fine business people at Cash Money Records didn't think Rebirth would be selling like water after a nuclear fallout. Mr. Wayne can't be that egotistical can he? Maybe it's a rap month-turf war kind of deal. May must be Slim Shady's month, kind of like it is for George Lucas.


Regardless of the cause the album will be released in November, which gives me just enough time to rally a campaign against it. It'll be the Wayne Crusades, or Waynades if you prefer.



Everyone is probably asking me why Lil Wayne, and what did he do to me. The answer is absolutely nothing. I'm just tired of seeing his face around. For someone who lacks any discernible talent it'll be difficult for me to see him permeate 104.5 and 94.1 with his genera-brand of rap-rock music. He's already ruined what could be casual listening to The Wired for me.


Article 1 in my defense is the first single off the album. Behold as I give you The Prom Queen.


I wish I knew what Mr. Wayne was thinking when he decided on embarking on this musical journey. Vanilla Ice tried it in 1998, and it didn't work, hell, he's still trying to make it work and it's not. Maybe Vanilla Ice is working as Lil Wayne's agent to make a few extra bucks in-between Surreal Life spin-offs or something. I can only imagine how the recession has hit him, what with people not having money to spare on 'Ice Ice Baby' ringtones.



I could be wrong though. This could be album of the decade material. A quick peek at the Rebirth Wikipedia page shows that he's recruited Fall Out Boy for a song. I know the kids love Fall Out Boy. I only see Pete Wentz on the cover of Non-Threatening Boys Weekly all the time, so that may be good. He's paying homage to the Beastie Boys too. I'm not exactly sure how, but I'm sure MCA and Ad-Rock will be thrilled. Top that off with a tune he's describing as 'Viva La Vida' with a rap. Grammy material indeed.


Don't go thinking I hate rap or rappers either. I'm listening to The Chronic as I type this, I'm just against auto-tuned lyric-abysses that have plagued rap since the start of the century or so.



Lil John I'm looking directly at you.








What pisses me off is that I know this is going to sell like crazy, while I sit every day struggling to find an audience. Fuck you Lil Wayne. We're in a war at words at this point unless you remix this entry into a song and feature the Ying Yang Twins and The Alchemist on it.




East side fo life bitches.